Of Vampires and Men
by Kitsune Tanaka
Summary: London, 1584. Edward and Roy are royal vampire hunters for the Queen of England.


_London, 1584_

"Summon Mustang, we have an emergency!"

"Yes, Your Majesty!"

Fists pounding on his door roused Roy Mustang from a deep sleep.

"Sir Mustang! The Queen is requesting your presence! She says it's an emergency!"

Roy Mustang, World-Renowned Vampire Hunter, and personal vampire hunter to the Queen of England, answered his door stark naked.

"Whuzzat?"

"Sir," the young page said as he averted his eyes, "Her majesty says that there's an emergency."

Roy yawned and scratched his head. "Alright. I'll be there shortly."

"Who're you calling short," a voice mumbled sleepily from the bed.

"Thank you, Sir."

"You're welcome," Roy mumbled as he slammed the door in the young man's face. "No one's calling you short, Edward. Now put some pants on, the Queen says there's an emergency."

Edward yawned, and sat up, causing the blankets to pool at his thin, muscled hips.

Roy threw a pair of pants at Ed's face, and growled at him to get dressed.

As they ran toward the throne room, Roy and Edward wondered what emergency warranted the Queen summoning them out of bed before noon. Vampires? Werewolves? Regular wolves? A rabid dog? Vampire bats? A regular bat?

They skidded to a stop in front of the throne, and bowed low.

"How may we assist you, your Majesty," Roy panted breathlessly.

Queen Trisha smiled warmly at the hunter, and softly said, "There's a messenger for you."

Edward jerked his head up, and looked at her with an eyebrow raised. "Are you kidding me, Mom?! You called us out here like that for a messenger?!"

Roy elbowed the small blonde, and Edward glared at him.

The Queen waved her hand absently. "I also wanted to see my son."

Edward's gaze softened. "Aww, Mom…"

An advisor to Trisha's left coughed gently.

"Oh! Yes!" She clapped her hands, much like an excited child. "There's also an odd pack of dogs in the courtyard."

Roy and Edward both hung their heads and let out exasperated breaths.

"You check out the dogs, see if they're safe, and I'll see about the messenger," Roy said.

Trisha waved her hand dismissively again. "No need to see to the messenger. He passed out after he said that he was looking for you, Roy."

"Why didn't you say that in the first place, Mom…" Edward mumbled under his breath.

Roy elbowed him again. "That you, your Majesty. We'll see to those dogs, now."

As they walked toward the courtyard, Roy slapped Edward upside the head.

"OW! What the hell was that for, Bastard," Edward yelled as he cradled his sore head.

"You can't speak to the Queen like that," Roy hissed. "You've renounced your title, you're just a commoner now!"

"Yes, just like you, _Mustang_," a young voice said from behind them.

Edward sighed. "Al. Try to be nice to Roy."

"Why should I?!" Alphonse stormed toward the two men. "He stole you from us!" He gripped Edward's biceps. "And he somehow brainwashed you into renouncing your crown, and into being a vampire hunter with him!" The crown prince pulled his older brother into a crushing embrace. "I love you, Brother. I just don't want to see you hurt."

"Al…" Edward gasped for breath. "Al, I can't breathe."

"Oh!" Al held him at arm's length, still gripping his older, yet smaller, brother by his upper arms. "I wish you would come back to us." He glared at Roy, then looked from side to side, making sure no one was listening to their conversation. "You need to find yourself a good woman, then become King, and have lots of children I can dote on."

Roy slapped his hand over his own mouth before he could let out a scream of pain. _He sounded just like Maes…_

Edward turned his head at the sharp noise, and saw his lover standing wide-eyed, trying to fight some inner demon. "Al?"

"Yes, brother?" The younger brother looked at his sibling happily.

"Shut up." Al gasped with shock. "Let's go, Roy. We've got shit to do."

Prince Alphonse watched his brother drag the dark-haired demon of a man out toward the courtyard. "I wonder what I said," he said to himself.

Edward stopped in front of the gates to the courtyard, and gently pulled Roy into a hug. "It's alright," Edward murmured into Roy's shoulder, while he stroked the older man's dark hair. "He didn't know what he was saying." Edward stood on his toes, and kissed Roy on the forehead. "I love you," Edward said as he held the sides of Roy's face, and looked him directly in the eyes. "I'm not going anywhere." He touched his forehead to Roy's. "I promise."

Roy nodded slowly.

"You ready to do this?"

Roy nodded again, and they both drew their guns.

"Alright," Edward said softly, "Let's go."


End file.
